Choosing a Program

[Note: this was in response to a question about a specific program.] As always, it's wise to proceed with caution. A few questions you might want to keep in mind: a) What are the credentials not of the director of the program, but of the field staff who will be working with your child on a daily basis? b) What happens if your child rebels, decides to, say, sit down on the trail and not walk? What is the "official response" to such behavior? If the staff offers an answer something akin to "we don't tolerate such behavior," run the other way. The better programs will allow the kid to make his own decisions about such matters, thereby giving him a chance to see the consequences of his choices (because of the sitting the group may not get in until late at night, be too tired to cook much of anything, and end up tossing down some cold food and going to bed grumpy). c) If the program is operating in a state with licensing requirements, call to make sure there haven't been any complaints filed. Is the program a member of any accreditation organization? d) Finally, ask for a list of parents and graduates, and give several of them a call. Hope this helps. - Gary Ferguson.

De-Tox Programs

I have a 17 year old that needs involuntary committal to a facility that will treat him for psychiatric neurologic drug and alcohol treatment where he can stay 30 days if deemed necessary by a physician. I live in the state of Tennessee. I have looked all day and can only find facilities that will keep him for a short time - 4 or 5 days for de-tox. I am willing to go to surrounding states if necessary. If you have any information please let me know. I am desperate. - Leai Little.

Leai, A good place to start your search might be www.strugglingteens.com/resources/index.html#advertisers. Here you will find a large list of schools and programs throughout the country (I saw at least one in Tennessee). Also, the Independent Educational Consultants Association can help you find the right program for your son. Their number is 800/808-4322. - Judy.

Hi, Leai. I have several suggestions. I agree with Judy, that seeking the help of an educational consultant is an excellent idea. Also, there is a collection of programs called the Brown Schools that I believe handle situations like yours. Their website is: www.brownschools.com. Additionally, Aspen Youth Services has a program called Youthcare that is very clinical, although I'm not sure if they handle only 30 days. You might call Robin Stevens there and ask her, at 801-572-6989. Keep searching and you will find what you need. Pam - Pam Parsons.

Educational Consultants

We are in search of an educational consultant to help determine our sons next steps after Aspen Achievement. If you have used an educational consultant would you please let me know who you used, how you identified them and your opinion of the help they provided. Thanks! - Steve.

George Posner, an ed consultant out of Cornell, was extraordinarily helpful for me. In fact, he's placed a # of kids into Aspen and then out. He's placed a # of kids at my son's present school-3 Springs-and out. He's listed in StrugglingTeens.com. Good luck. - jordax.

How Does A Parent Deal With The Pain?

We flew our daughter to Utah on October 31st. Happy Halloween! My heart and my spirit are broken. I think about her day and night. My husband and I are listening to the tapes, reading the workbooks and going to weekly therapy sessions. I just completed, Shouting At The Sky. It was such a wonderful book, however, I was so overcome with emotion, I couldn't read more than 2 chapters at a time. I feel guilty for sitting in my warm, safe home and feeling so distraught, while she's out in the desert somewhere living in in the snow with people I don't even know. Are there any seasoned ASPEN parents out there with any helpful words to help me get through the days until she returns home? - Kimberly.

Kimberly: My son was at Aspen from mid-Dec to mid-Feb. At first he was angry for being there and I felt guilty for sending him. As time passed and as the relationship between the staff, him, and me grew, I realized he needed a cleansing of sorts to get back on track. He was very off track. When it came time to get him, and after having seen Aspen's video and reading Gary's book, I thought I was prepared to go to the reunion. Ah, but I was wrong. It is a terribly moving experience and I won't elaborate until after you've been thru it. The follow-up: my son is now at 3 Springs in Huntsville, Alabama. He is a changed kid. He was weaned from his bad stuff in Aspen and the new school is revitalizing him. Although I'll forever be broke, I feel like I'm about to get my son back from the brink of disaster. If you feel guilty for sending your daughter, try and imagine where she would be if you did nothing. Don't blame or kick yourself. You've given your daughter a gift she may never really be ever able to repay. - jordax.

Dear Kim, Our family has just returned from Aspen yesterday. We experienced the graduation and our reunion with our son was terrific. Your child is in the hands of some of the most extraordinary people you will come to know in your life. I can not say enough of how terrific these people are and how important all the children in the program are to them. Your child is very safe. I often felt the way you are now but would reflect on the dangerous behaviors our son was displaying prior to Aspen and realized that he was much safer there than at home. I would go out each night and look at the stars and send my thoughts and prayers to our son, I always felt sad but yet connected to him by doing that. This will be an experience your daughter will take with her for the rest of her life. You will eventually feel great that you gave her this experience. Best of luck. Dee - Dee.

[NOTE: this is a later comment from Kimberly, who originally posted the opening comment] Leaving our daughter was the single most difficult thing we have ever had to do. However, sleepless nights full of anxiety and fear quickly gave way to a comfort of knowing that we not only made the right choice, we made the only choice. Everyone at Aspen should be awarded Sainthood. Not only the counselors, but the directors, co-ordinators and assistants as well. These people really care about our children. That is blatantly obvious with every phone conversation, letter and fax. Ironically, we are leaving tomorrow morning to head to Aspen for our daughter's graduation. After she was there for 5 weeks, we made the second hardest decision by deciding she should be extended for 2 more weeks. She missed Thanksgiving and Christmas, but, we will be seeing her for the first time (since October 31), on New Year's Day. I think there is someting very poetic about that ! Make no mistake, leaving your child WILL be painful, sad and heart wrenching. But, if you are considering sending him to a therapeutic wilderness program, I would guess that life at home is all of the above and more. As odd as it sounds, someday he will thank you for giving him the greatest gift he will ever receive. You will be giving him the gift of himself. - Kimberly.